MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE BLISSFUL…
– By Abayomi Oladiji.
If one should ask what is the meaning of marriage? It is not unlikely that one would have definitions that are similar or not too far from each other.
Now if one should ask the married why they are married? It is very likely we’ll have different reasons from as many as those asked the question. And from a couple, a man or woman might probably give reasons different from that of his or her spouse?
People marry for different reasons. Commonest answers are “I married him or her because I love him or her”, “I married him or her because I want to spend the rest of my life with him or her”, or even “I married him or her because I want him or her to be the father or mother of my children.”
These answers and others like them only answer the question WHY? They do not answer the most important question, HOW? For instance “How do you love or show that you love your spouse?” Do you love him or her enough to want to put your life, your career on the line for your relationship?
Are you loyal to your spouse or simply faithful to you marital vows? It is the answer to the ‘how’ that defines your relationship.
Until your answers to the HOWS are satisfactory to your spouse, you cannot have a blissful marriage. Unsatisfactory answers will result in conflicts.
Most people go into marriage with expectations and when these are not met they become disillusioned about the relationship.
Now, the word bliss connotes a state of supreme happiness; a state of utter joy or contentment or absolute satisfaction. Can a marriage experience this state? YES.
Focusing on the good things in your marriage is one of the best and simplest tips for a blissful marriage. You can decide to look at all the good things in your marriage and feel happy and content or look at the bad things and feel sad and disappointed. I advice you choose to build your marriage up by focussing on the good things rather than holding on to things that sadden you in the relationship. Your happiness in your marriage is your responsibility not your spouse’s.
By all means avoid emotional affairs. Often disguised as friendship with the opposite sex, emotional affairs take friendship too far. In an emotional affair, private time and intimate secrets are shared, secrets that are not shared with a spouse. When people engage in an emotional affair, they experience a “high” similar to the one people experience when they are first falling in love. Many people consider emotional affairs to be “innocent fun.” NO, they are not. They can be just as damaging, if not more damaging to a marriage than a sexual affair…
Good sex is equally, if not the most important ingredient for a blissful marriage. A marriage that enjoys good sex is always a happy marriage, whether there’s money, food or not. In a marriage with good sex, the couple will always be happy, fond of each other, enjoy intimacy and miss each other’s company. A sexless or bad sex marriage is seldom a happy one.
Always remember to give due attention to your marriage. Your marriage will not thrive without time and attention. Make it a priority to spend time together and do things to enrich your marriage. Things like exchange of gifts and being involved in one another’s affairs. Be discreet about misunderstandings that may come up in your relationship. If you are not, it makes others think poorly of you and can actually even start a lot of gossip about the state of your relationship. Keep private things private. Your disagreements are nobody else’s business. Learn to respect, honour, your spouse. The kind of respect, honor, regard you give to your spouse is the same your friends will give him or her.
And just because you are married does not mean that you should stop appreciating each other. Women want their beauty appreciated. While men want their strength or wisdom appreciated. Those qualities that made you marry her or him should continually be appreciated. Not only should you continue appreciating one another but continue being considerate of one another.
Finally be realistic. When married life doesn’t live up to one’s expectations, dissatisfaction can set in. Often this can lead to a person blaming his or her spouse for not making marriage everything he or she hoped it would be. It is often these feelings of disappointment that cause people to feel let down by the reality of marriage.
This is often so when one compares his or her marriage with those of novels and movies. These often portray stories of romance and love that reality just can’t live up to. If you develop dreams and expectations about your marriage based on these, you will end up disappointed.