How To Make Your Man Fall In Love Again….
By Iretunde Akintunde-Johnson:
1. Create a conducive atmosphere at home.
Neat environment and a welcoming woman are two of the keys to unlocking a man’s heart. Do not mind that he flings his shoes, shirts and pair of trousers anywhere in the house; he wants to meet the whole place in order! Your man wants you to welcome him with a smile, even if he comes home late. You are likely to wear a frown when you have smiled and smiled, and he still comes home late repeatedly. He is already looking comes home late repeatedly. He is already looking for an excuse to stay out late. Don’t give him. Continue smiling. When he settles down or at his leisure time, discuss about how his lateness is affecting you. With time and God, he will adjust.
2. Food is a principal key to unlock the gate to a man’s heart.
First you have to identify what your man likes eating. Is he the type that likes ‘swallows’ like Eba, Semo, pounded yam and the likes? Or is he the type that and the likes? Or is he the type that likes rice and spaghetti? Let me use my husband as an example. When I met him, he liked eating Amala, Gbegiri and Ewedu. Also he told me he didn’t mind Edikaikong and pounded yam. And if they were not available, he would settle for spaghetti and fish sauce. The ultimate for him then was the big head I understood immediately that he likes variety. I went round the markets learning about the different native soups in Nigeria. The women selling the ingredients were my teachers. From them, I learnt how to cook Afang, Banga, Ofe Nsala, Ekpang Nkwokwo, Ofe, Onugbu and other variety. I experimented until I got them experimented until I got them right. I introduced him to variety of meats cut in huge chunks (I never cook beef alone). I added cow leg, showboy, snail and “varieties” that bring out the sweetness of the stews and soups. You know what? Anytime my husband finishes eating, he opens his mouth to bless me. I also changed his taste from ‘Oku Eko’ (Titus fish) to fresh Croaker, Tilapia and other variety of fishes. Now my husband cannot touch Titus fish with a long pole. He boasts of my culinary expertise every time. I set out to satisfy him. It is important for you to know what he wants and you should make effort to give him.
The next question I would ask is how do you serve him?
If you serve your man like a king he will honour you as his queen. Let the way appetite. If you like, call it packaging. But it works. Then, sit with him and if possible eat with him. For instance, I do not eat dinner until my husband comes back home. Many a time, he comes back early knowing I am waiting.
3. Quit trying to change your man.
Yes, there are areas of his life he needs to work on, but you cannot change him. Instead, you try to change. You need to adjust to tolerating his excesses, while you are lifting him up before God. I tell you, try as much as you can, you can’t change a man, because you did not make him. Only God can change him. If you have to correct him, do so in love. I will tell you what I do that has worked for me. Anytime, I wake up in the dead of night, I lay hands on my husband and pray for him. I tell God the areas of his life I think need His touch and release myself into His hands to change too. (You need to get the book, Lifelines: A Slice of My Life by Femi Akintunde-Johnson) to see how far that has worked. And God has not finished with us yet. I’ll give you a hint. My husband used to smoke, drink and night crawl. Oh, from Klass to Ozone and stop-overs at DeRoof, before eventually ending up at NiteShift. Huh! I can tell you more…but now, level don change o…!
4. Don’t expect him to share what is in his heart with you.
Men like to keep secrets from their women, except the ones that God has touched. I have never met a man more secretive than my husband. When you see your man staring into space, the next thing you want to do is ask him what he is thinking about. But, please don’t. He is thinking about. But, please don’t. He will tell you nothing. And it will hurt you further because you know there is something. But I asked God for grace to tell him everything in my heart the time. I never kept a secret from him. It was not long for him to see the genuineness of my heart. And he began to tell me everything. I made him a friend, father, brother and mentor. I respect him a lot and he knows it. But the first thing was that I quit prodding him to tell me what was on his mind. By telling him all every time, I was building in him confidence in me. It was tough. But we are here, still trying to work at it. How you react or respond to him will determine if he will open up to you. Are you going to laugh at his foolishness and mistakes, or correct him in love?
5. Showing appreciation
When your man gives you something how do you say ‘thank you’? Oh! It’s good to give him hug, peck or kiss. But let’s come down to brass-tacks. These are the westernized ways of saying ‘thank you’. I am addressing those who are married to full- blooded African men. We can laugh at how our forbearers used to call their husbands in time past, and call it slavery. But they didn’t have as much rate of divorce as we have today. When your husband makes you happy next time, go on your knees and say “thank you”. He may be shocked and try to pull you up… But I tell you, you have struck the right chord. Whatever way you see it; an African man will always be that – an African. It does not reduce or demean your stature. You are strengthening the foundation of your relationship. He would want to do more for you, so he can receive it again and again… receive it again and again… I will continue in the next edition, God willing. But before then take these tips to heart. Even if he is a bad man, do a customized Xmas card telling him how wonderful he has been. See, it is a trap. When a man has been beating you, sleeping around and doing all sorts; but you send him a card that says to “the best husband in the world”… and you put words like, “You have loved me unconditionally, provided for all my needs. Given me reasons to love over and over again”… Heh! The man would look at himself and say, “Have I really done those things?” You are in a way reminding him of all he has not been. Then you set out to be good to him in all ways.
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